He knows so much, but he's still only six

Being a Dad to Ethan and Jaxon is the best and most important thing I do. It is also the thing that makes me question myself the most.

This one has been sitting with me for a little while, so I thought I would write it down.

A small moment

Recently Jaxon made a choice that I was disappointed in. He did something that made Ethan fall over. For a second it was a little bit scary, but no harm was done, and it wasn’t anything major or serious.

Looking back, it was probably just him “being a kid”. But in the moment, the first thing I felt was disappointment. So I did what I think most parents would do. I sat with him and explained why it wasn’t a good choice for him to make.

And then, once the moment had passed, a different feeling crept in. Guilt.

The guilt that came after

Jaxon is one of the most important people in my life. So why was I feeling disappointed in him over something so small?

I kept asking myself the same questions. Was I not letting him be a kid? Was I overreacting to the situation? Would I have reacted the same way if he were a bit less grown up in so many other ways?

I don’t think I have a neat answer to those questions, and I’m not sure I’m meant to. But I do think I understand where I get tripped up.

He’s still only six

Jaxon is a very smart little kid. He is working on little programming projects, mixing music and animating videos. He knows so much, and he talks about the things he loves with a confidence that sometimes catches me off guard.

That is exactly where I trip up. Because he can do so many grown-up things, I forget that he is still only six.

Knowing a lot isn’t the same as thinking like an adult. In a moment of excitement he can still think exactly like the little boy that he is. That isn’t a flaw in him. That is just being six. The mistake in that moment was really mine, expecting him to think like someone much older than he is.

Mistakes are part of it

We all learn through our mistakes, as much as through any of the other experiences we have in life. I certainly have, and I’m still making plenty of them as a Dad.

The tricky part is that sometimes those mistakes have real consequences, and as parents we want to protect our kids from the ones that matter. I don’t think explaining to Jaxon why it wasn’t a good choice was wrong. I want him to understand why, and I want to keep having those conversations with him as he grows.

What I want to change is where I’m coming from when I have them. Less disappointment, more remembering that he’s six, still learning, and going to get things wrong sometimes, just like his Dad.

What I’m trying to do now

I need to catch myself in those moments. Before the disappointment kicks in, I want to take a breath and remind myself of his age, not just how much he knows.

I want him to grow up knowing that he can make a bad choice and still be completely loved, and that a mistake is something we talk through together.

And Ethan is a completely different personality to Jaxon. He’s boisterous and demanding, and so many things that Jaxon never was. He brings a whole different set of parenting challenges, and that’s something Ericka and I are going to have to work through together.

I’m not writing this because I’ve figured it out. I definitely haven’t. I’m writing it because I suspect I’m not the only parent who has felt disappointed and then guilty about it straight after.

If you’re a parent, especially of a kid who seems older than their years, I’d love to know. How do you remind yourself that they’re still little?